Full name: Rt. Hon Sir Malcolm Leslie Rifkind KCMG QC.
Homeland: Conservative MP for Edinburgh Pentlands, 1974-1997.
Caste: Old style patrician, one nation Tory, arch-Eurosceptic.
Religion: liberal society, limited government, low taxation.

Key Jobs: Queen's Counsel (Scotland), 1985-present; Secretary of State for Scotland, 1986-1990; Secretary of State for Defence, 1992-1995; Foreign Secretary, 1995-1997.

Current Occupation: Professional executive board member. Malcolm may also still be the President of the Scottish Conservatives. However, the court can find no reference to his holding this post later than the 2001 election, the Scottish Conservatives' website makes no reference to the post and nobody at Conservative central office would either confirm or deny. At any rate, this role is inevitably overshadowed by his primary occupation - that of searching for a way to return to Westminster.

Celtic Pride: An example of that endangered species, the Scottish Tory, Malcolm has gone against mainstream Conservative opinion and supported devolution since the mid-1970s.

Handbag: Malcolm managed the Herculean task of remaining a member of Thatcher's government for 11 years without once offending her enough to be handbagged back to obscurity. Despite this apparent loyalty, he was also one of the ministers that later persuaded her to resign.

It's A Riot: In the aftermath of the anti-globalisation protests outside the 2001 G8 summit, Malcolm supported the protesters, stating there may have been a "gross over-reaction by the Genoa Police" (Interviewed by Peter Sissons, Breakfast with Frost, 29/07/01)

But I Did Not Inhale: During Anne Widdecombe's attempts to turn a toke on a joint into a fining offence, Malcolm called for a public debate on the issue, saying that "Proper consultation is required". What's more, he managed to do so without seeming to deviate from the party line. (BBC Holyrood programme, 08/10/2000)

The Third Way: Malcolm claimed to be "surprised and disturbed" by some of Iain Duncan Smith's first Shadow Cabinet appointments and claimed that they were potentially divisive. To achieve party unity would require "attracting the support of the whole spectrum of party opinion. Like Labour, the Tories will not win from simply one end of the political spectrum." (Scotland on Sunday, 08/10/2000)

The Big Bang: During fighting over Kashmir in May 2002, Rifkind described the India-Pakistan conflict as the worst international crisis since the Cuban missile crisis in 1963. This really puts the War on Terrorism in its place. (Newsnight, 27/05/02)

The Special Relationship: Rifkind did not just announce that an attack on Iraq without UN approval was a bad idea once the opportunity to attack the Labour government arose. Unlike many leading Tories, this had been his stated opinion all along. He accused the US of having "a rather cavalier approach toward its allies" and "taking support for granted". But, once the war was in progress, unlike other former Foreign Secretaries, he smoothly moved to back our boys, saying that the "right choice is being made". (CNN Live, 19/03/03)

Sleeping With The Enemy: During the 2001 Conservative leadership battle, Rifkind backed Kenneth Clarke despite his own Eurosceptic tendencies. This is especially surprisingly given that Janet Bush had written a book about their rivalry over this very issue the previous year - Head to Head on the Euro, Kenneth Clarke and Malcolm Rifkind, still available for a fiver in all good political bookshops. (BBC News Online, 23/07/01)

All That Is Needed For Evil To Triumph: Dr Brendan Simms argues Rifkind was part of the foreign policy team whose support of the Vance-Owen peace plan for Bosnia resulted in "the prolonging of the bloodiest European conflict since the Second World War." In effect, it resulted in British troops standing by and watching Serbian militias kill. (Unfinest Hour: How Britain Helped to Destroy Bosnia, Dr Brendan Simms, Allen Lane/Penguin Press 2001)

Rotten Boroughs: Malcolm's understanding of representative democracy seems somehow lacking. When discussing his plans to return to the House of Commons, he has said, "I am very conscious of the fact that it's not for me to decide which constituency I would like." Statements like that suggest that he might just lack the local touch. (Daily Telegraph, 26/04/03)

Blast From The Past: Such luminaries as John Major and Norman Lamont favour Malcolm for the Conservative party leadership. Whether this is a strength or not remains open to debate. (Daily Telegraph, 26/04/03)

Flying South For Winter: While Defence Secretary, Rifkind was responsible for moving the Trident Missile refit contract from Rosyth to Devonport. During the 2001 election campaign, Helen Liddell described this move as "torpedoing the workforce" of the small Scottish town. Three years earlier, Alex Salmond, leader of the SNP, had called it a "political fix to try and shore up Tory support in the southwest". (BBC Scotland, 10/04/01; SNP press release, 03/06/98)

It's Cold Up North: Liddell's criticism of Rifkind during the campaign was not limited to Rosyth though. In the same speech, she pointed out that in 1988, during his time as Scottish Secretary, Rifkind was responsible for "exposing Scotland to the monstrosity of the Poll Tax a year before it was let loose on England." She made a brave attempt to paint him as a monster, calling him "the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde of Scottish politics". (BBC Scotland, 10/04/01)

Outrage: Despite Malcolm's claims to be against government dictating lifestyle or personal morality, some of his comments have led to accusations of homophobia. When he said on Panorama in 1997 that allowing gay couples to adopt would force children into what most people still saw as an "unnatural situation", Scotsgay magazine accused him of lashing out at the gay community. Similarly, when questioned about gays in the military on Question Time, he responded: "the change is probably inevitable but I'm very worried by it. I'm concerned that it will do damage to morale in the short-term." This sounds suspiciously like letting the same military bigotry that objects to ethnic minorities in the services dictate policy. (BBC Panorama, quoted in Daily Mail, 27/10/97; BBC Question Time, 13/01/00)

Peter's Friends: During the bitter Mandelson-Campbell row of 2001, Mandelson faxed Rifkind a copy of his CV, prompting rumours that he was looking to switch allegiance. Luckily for the Conservative Party, it turned out to be due to a misdialled fax number: one digit different and it would have found its way to Labour's Millbank HQ as intended. (Speech, Scottish Conservative conference, 05/03/01)

Vogue (Strike a Pose): Since leaving office, Rifkind's famed thick tortoise-shell framed glasses sadly seem to have left the public gaze. He now wears a more funky wire frame pair - prompting one of this court's minions to comment that he looks like he should be in a German car ad.

This Court believes the Hon. Malcolm Rifkind QC to be a legal and international affairs brain on legs, capable of bringing sensible, informed and considered debate to any discussion. He is a fair man, who doesn't believe in one-dimensional politics, and is canny enough to see which way the wind is blowing. He also has really cool glasses. Sadly, however, he could do with having more contact with his voters to make some of his social policies better suited to Britain in the 21st century.

You have heard the evidence from both sides. It is now the responsibility of you, the Jury, to pass verdict on the accused. His fate is in your hands.