The temperature of this planet is rising. The burning of fossil fuels creates carbon dioxide, which traps the sun's heat inside the Earth's atmosphere like a greenhouse.

Glaciers will melt, sea levels will rise, low lying countries will be lost forever beneath the waves and the Thames Barrier will become as effective as an attempt to patch up the Titanic with chewing gum.

Still, it is not all bad. I was just saying that it is a bit chilly in here. So, purely to while away the hours until the end of the world, here are ten reasons to love global warming.

1. A warmer climate will allow Britain to develop a continental pavement cafe culture. This would be an improvement on the Starbucks cafe culture that we currently have – 141 branches and counting within 5km of central London.

2. Holidays will be cheaper. Why waste money on flying to the Mediterranean when you can just potter down to the golden beaches of sun-kissed Margate, or spend a week under a palm tree on the Costa del Bognor?

3. It will cut down on heating bills, thus saving money for more important activities like building arks and sand-bagging the front door.

4. What have the Dutch ever given us anyway?

5. It will preserve what is left of the Earth's precious fossil fuels. The extra sunshine will allow the increased use of solar power, and less coal will be needed to keep the front room at a cosy 22°C. And as for oil – well, who will want to drive anywhere in that heat? It will be hard enough dealing with the impending apocalypse without having kids sat in the back seat screaming: "Are we nearly there yet? I want the bathroom! That hippo keeps looking at me!"

6. Fur coats are murder.

7. If you work in insurance, it will make you a lot of money. You will no doubt die a very rich man. Probably rather sooner than you intended, admittedly, but them's the breaks.

8. David Bellamy claims that global warming does not exist. Proving him wrong strikes me as a perfectly valid reason for hoping that it does.

9. Without global warming, we would have been denied the soon-to-be disaster movie classic The Day After Tomorrow.

10. We may not have a lot of choice.